While composing a sort of minimalist
haiku the other day I chose my moment,
entered the scene and observed, with pen steady
and on its mark, a frog. A pretty standard
frog with tawny-green skin sitting in a tuft
of grass at the water‘s edge. Suddenly it
leapt into the air in a low gliding arc
and disappeared beneath the liquid surface.
Only ripples remained to mark its passage.
At least that’s what appeared to have happened. And
without further analysis Homo Saps
have always assumed that Frog (A) jumps into
Pond (B) and thereby makes Waves (C, D & E).
Homo Saps will, and do, assume anything.
The apparency of those motions, their Cause-
Effect relationships, is little more than
illusion for I am about to make the
most startling claims you’ve ever heard.
As I began my examination of the sequence
of events that culminated in the frog’s
disappearance, I was forced to blink and look
again. Something was wrong. The frog was normal.
The water seemed fine. The leap, unexpected
but standard by my estimation. Here, the
problem was the ripple. I split the moment
into fractions and observed that as the frog slid
down and waterward the surface tension seemed
to alter and break BEFORE any contact
had taken place. I have checked and rechecked this
observation. And the fact stands. As any
poetaster would do, I immortalized
the moment in my now controversial ‘ku:
This has, however, been insufficient for
many and I have been obliged to describe
my findings in prose. As with all serious
scientific discovery, truth must never
suffer the dignity of rhyme, metaphor,
alliteration, line breaks, to wit, direct
communication, etc. The fact
of the matter is that Frog (A) must have had
an exact awareness of both the time and
location of that proto-ripple. I can’t
say (it would be unscientific) that all
objects, living things etc. have a
cognitive awareness that a rippling
within the fluidic fabrics of space-time
continua will occur, let alone when
or where. I attempted similar series
of arcs with small rocks and branches that I found
nearby and saw no prior ripple effects.
The similarities between two sets of
observed data do not at all indicate
that identical forces may be their cause.
Focus on this particular Frog (A) and
the events surrounding its disappearance.
I mention ripples in conjunction with the
fluidic fabric of space-time and I see
that some of you are a bit incredulous.
Let me put you at ease by dispensing with
complicated and somewhat biased quantum
relativist nomenclature, invoking
time honored language of metaphysical
epistemology. This Frog (A) made an
interdimensional shift while moving through
Portal (X). It is commonplace to observe
on telescreens that when portals such as these
open in our universe that they form a
patch that is liquid in movement and texture.
What seems to be the bother is that Frog (A)
used the portal with an unparalleled sense
of accuracy and prediction. Although,
alienists have claimed that small cranial
capacities of these amphibiforms would
seem to belie such a conclusion. This is,
of course, not entirely without precedent,
to wit, our own Homo Saps, but I digress.
What is peculiarly interesting is the
possibility Frog (A) actually
CAUSED the portal to appear. This is much more
plausible than the myriad suggestions
of prediction alone. In either case these
matters will be fully investigated.
have also been explained, it seems, with this new
data. There is evidence to suggest that
repeated showers of frogs over several
European locations were the result
of reverse transit portals gone awry, as
will happen whenever any natural
phenomenon is harnessed or mechanized.
As this seems to explain fish, dogs, cats and such
animals that occasionally pour from
the sky it may be quite fair to surmise that
H. Saps is the only species truly stuck
on this planet. But that is merely my own
opinion. For those of you remaining, I’d
very much like to read a selection from
my latest work and from which observation,
I might add, led to my discovery that
it is NOT the wind that makes leaves blow: Rather,
the rhythmic movement of those arboriforms
that stirs the breeze. A movement familiar, I’d
add, to sports enthusiasts around the world.
Thank you for listening. I leave you with this—
Hendecasyllable: A line of verse containing eleven syllables.